Humble Pie

by Crazymumma

When I was pregnant with Big Girl I was full of high ideals. My child would never watch TV, never eat anything but organic food, snacks would always be healthy and wholesome. I too would be purrrfect. A smug smile of satisfaction would be on my face as I floated, effortlessly through every day reading books, making crafts, playing and interacting in only the best ways. Our house would be full of light, music, and giggles of joy from all who entered.

Ya right. Then I had my baby. And I started to bake my own Humble Pie.

As I nursed my new baby, I would watch dustballs roll across the floor, and then stick to something on the way. Laundry and cleaning the bathroom became impossible tasks. And although I felt a deeper than deep love for my child, I did not feel the radiating joy and perfection I thought I would. And lets not even get started on the impact a child can had on my relationship with Mr TransAm.

I can say that my food ideals I stuck to for the first two years. But TV crept in by year three, as did sugary treats. And organics are very expensive. I am proud to say that there was lots of reading and crafting. And it was great. Really, I am not being sarcastic.

Then along came Little Girl. She probably had her first lollipop soon after her first spoon of rice cereal. She watches way too much TV with Big Girl. I did and do not read to her as much as I would like, I do not make crafts with her as much as I did with my first child. Lots of ideals slid. My expectations of personal perfection lowered themselves without any trying on my part. My perfect little dream world slowly slid away. The Humble Pie was now fully baked.

We can create a private hell for ourselves when we do not meet our personal expectations as parents in today's society. One can only do so much and these days the pressure to do things correctly is huge, and I am prompted to wonder if it was always like this. I had to let go of so many ideas of how I was going to parent, as well as embrace the lack of control I had over who my children are and how they make me react.

There was a relief in letting go of the impossible standards I had and accepting that I could not control every moment. It has made parenting more enjoyable, certainly easier. And I enjoy my children more, because I worry less about the small things, and can focus on the bigger picture.

But I had to eat alot of that pie, and I think I will always have one baking in the oven.

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Anne is a self-described obsessive, fairly high strung 40-something, rock and roll wannabe, art making, grilled cheese mummy queen. Born and raised in Toronto, married with two children. Been through hell and back, and lives to tell the tale.